It has been over a month now since I had a chickenpox viral infection. It was a severe case and for adults like me, it can lead to death because of possible complications. Thank God, it wasn’t that crucial. But every time I look into the mirror, the scars are reminders of how terrible the infection was–that it has almost drowned me into the depth of depression.
Sounds like I’m over exaggerating this but it was seriously the worst days of my life and until now, I feel like I am still living on that moment because I really never expected for this to happen. And I don’t know when will I ever get over it.
If you want to see how bad it was and the damage it has caused me, you can watch the video below.
Luckily, I survived.
But during the time of the infection, I kept on telling my boyfriend how it honestly depresses me– that it has really dragged my self-confidence to the lowest. I can’t imagine myself going out anymore and facing people with how I looked like and I’m just glad that he’s just there comforting me & he never leaves my side.
The viral infection didn’t just leave deep and worse scars all over my body especially to my face, but it also intensifies my pre-existing anxiety disorder.
It has caused me to worry excessively about my health. Whenever I see little bumps on my face or in some parts of my body and even on times when I feel a little sick, I usually overthink about it and I get so worried so much that sometimes I lose my sleep and I wake up in the morning feeling sad and empty. I honestly don’t want to feel all this post-viral stuff that is happening to me now because it just depresses me more.
I never had acne my whole life and that’s when it hits me of how strong people who have extreme acne and much worse scars than I have deal on their own horrifying situations. That thought motivates me to overcome what I had been through.
I realized how blessed I am and loved by a lot of people, especially my family and my boyfriend, who really loves me for me regardless of anything and no matter how I looked like. They reminded me of how much love that I have once for myself. I remembered it and then slowly, I regained my self-confidence.
I got back up.
Filming with no make up on (only fresh chickenpox scars on my face) and posting it online took me a lot of courage to finally do it. Not everyone can say,“Get well soon!” or “You can get through it.” There will be some who will hate me for looking hideous but, that’s the reality of life. It can happen to anyone. That video is merely just a reminder for us to take care of ourselves more– that loving ourselves is also about taking care of our physical health and that it is also as important as taking care of our mental health.
I always believe that on some people– mental, emotional, and physical health can either make you or break you as a person. It just a matter of balancing it all out and making sure that none of the three will be left behind.
If you’re still reading up to here, thank you so much for hearing me out! 🙂
Any words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated. ♥